A parody of “Know Your Enemy” (Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day) by Green Day.
Help me kill the enemies
They’re spawning next to me
I’m talking to you, Valkyrie. Hello?

Help me kill the enemies
It’s down to you and me
The Wizard tried to turn and flee, oh no!

Help me kill the enemies
This door is blocking me
I wish we had a frickin’ key, oh yeah

Everyone likes Valkyrie
She has a sword and shield
She’s probably easiest to play for noobs

Wizard casts the magic feats
His fireballs are sweet
His speed is fast enough for an old dude
(more quarters please)

Warrior is tough to beat
He’s strong like jerky meat
Wearing furry shorts and matching boots
(more quarters please)

Elf is known for super speed
His shots are fairly weak
Unless he’s gone again and shot the food
(more quarters please)

Help me kill the enemies
They’re spawning next to me
I’m talking to you, Valkyrie. Hello?

Help me kill the enemies
It’s down to you and me
The Wizard tried to turn and flee, oh no!

I can’t catch up to you guys
Because Death’s draining my life
Use that potion any time
It feels right

Ow!

[solo]

Let’s work together as a team (more quarters please)
Fucking thief just stole my key (more quarters please)
My life-force draining constantly (more quarters please)
Warrior needs food badly
So drop in, drop in lots of quarters

Help me kill the enemies
They’re spawning next to me
I’m talking to you, Valkyrie. Hello?

Help me kill the enemies
It’s down to you and me
The Wizard tried to turn and flee, oh no!

Help me kill the enemies
This door is blocking me
I wish we had a frickin’ key, oh yeah

Try to hit the enemy (Help me kill the enemies)
You’re shots are hurting me
Sorcerers and demons are your goal (Gotta kill the enemies)
(more quarters please)

I’ve not seen such bravery (Help me kill the enemies)
It’s on to victory
Look there’s the exit to the next level (Gotta kill the enemies)
(more quarters please)
This song is about the arcade game Gauntlet. Why Gauntlet? Because it’s the original quarter muncher, that’s why. This game robbed us of hours and hours — not to mention all of our paper route money — at the local arcades and bowling alleys back in the 1980s. More quarters, please!