Individual Results May Vary

by Possible Oscar

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1.
02:52
Finally your boss gave you that raise Celebrate at Nye’s Polonaise Buying drinks for the house until 10pm But now you got to go to work early That’s not the way it should be (no no!) All the action is at the bar singing drunk karaoke Because… Work is for the weak, Rock is for the win! Rockin’ through the week, rockin’ while drinkin’ Work is for the weak, Rock is for the win! If Rock was all it took, then let the rock begin! Lose the tie and grow out your hair Stand on your desk in your underwear Tell all your co-workers that Rock n’ Roll is your master now Screw the bills and the mortgage too For Rock and Roll it’s the least you can do Borrow money from your mom and dad and buy a megaphone And shout… Work is for the weak, Rock is for the win! Rockin’ through the week, rockin’ while drinkin’ Work is for the weak, Rock is for the win! If Rock was all it took, then let the rock begin! Individual results may vary Work is for the weak, Rock is for the win! Rockin’ through the week, rockin’ while drinkin’ Work is for the weak, Rock is for the win! If Rock was all it took, then let the rock begin!
2.
Press start to continue Drop that quarter in Reload that old save file Begin again Attacked the boss and met a tragic fate Reload, reload Can’t find my way around this maze Reload, reload No repercussions in a video game If only life could be the same Press start to continue Drop that quarter in Reload that old save file Begin again Bought all my films on BetaMax Reload, reload My plasma screen is hung with tacks Reload, reload My online date was a perfect fit But now I can’t relieve this itch Press start to continue Drop that quarter in Reload that old save file Begin again I messed up real bad Time for a new chance Rewind and redo For the win! I told my boss what I really think Reload, reload He had me transferred to Beijing Reload, reload I’ll make the best of this I guess At least the Chinese food is fresh Press start to continue Drop that quarter in Reload that old save file Begin again (repeat)
3.
Time to write another hit song We have a formula for tune creation Chord progression from the last song Some lyrics vaguely ’bout a bad relation- Ship, this is how we recycle This is how we recycle Every song that we make This is how we recycle Every song that we make Same song, same sound Resembles every song that we’ve put out Why bother trying new things? (So far nobody has noticed) Same song, same notes A different song would be harder to promote This gives us more time to drink We employ a stock arrangement The ever-present soft and loud dynamic A guitar alone and plaintive The power chorded chorus sounds gigantic And this is how we recycle Every song that we make This is how we recycle Every song that we make Same song, same sound Resembles every song that we’ve put out Why bother trying new things? (So far nobody has noticed) Same song, same notes A different song would be harder to promote This gives us more time to drink (So far nobody has noticed) *breakdown* Chord progression from the last song Some lyrics vaguely ’bout a bad relation- Ship, this is how we recycle This is how we recycle This is how we recycle Every song that we make This verse sounds like the first one Only took us one take Same song, same sound Resembles every song that we’ve put out Why bother trying new things? (So far nobody has noticed) Same song, same notes A different song would be harder to promote This gives us more time to drink (So far nobody has noticed) Thank goodness nobody thinks (So far nobody has noticed) Too bad as artists we stink
4.
It’s 8:53 on a Saturday night Drinking a few with our friends Meatballs were a hit, hope you liked the Chex mix The Tupperware kept them fresh There’s only one thing that could ruin the mood And temper the mirth of this day The amount that we bought, wasn’t nearly enough In the end what I’m trying to say, what I’m trying to say We’re all out of beer, the coolers are empty You don’t have to leave, there’s plenty of soda We’re all out of beer, yes even the cheap stuff You drank it too fast, sobriety won’t last long It seems that a few of you shoulder the blame Consumed more than most of the room I’m talking to you, Steve, you drank 42 I expect that you’ll drop dead soon STEVE (drunkenly): Pffft! I don’t even (body falling sound) Now, Larry, I find your behavior uncouth It’s time to pull up your jeans And, Susan, it’s clear you can’t handle your beer So much for your dignity, dignity We’re all out of beer, the coolers are empty You don’t have to leave, charades can be so fun We’re all out of beer, yes even the cheap stuff You drank it too fast, sobriety won’t last long Ooh, who’s up for a beer run? Who’s up for a beer run? Who’s up for a beer run? Who’s up for a beer run? GUY ONE: You! You tard! This is YOUR party! GUY TWO: Yeah! And make it quick! Buzz… fading… We’re all out of beer, the coolers are empty You don’t have to leave, there’s plenty of soda We’re all out of beer, yes even the cheap stuff You drank it too fast, sobriety’s long gone We’re all out of beer, the coolers are empty You don’t have to leave, charades can be so fun We’re all out of beer, yes even the cheap stuff You drank it too fast, sobriety’s long gone We’re all out of beer, the coolers are empty So pack up your shit, you ungrateful assholes We’re all out of beer, yes even the cheap stuff We told you to leave, now get the hell out of our home We’re all out of beer, the coolers are empty We told you to leave…
5.
I’m trying to get a DQ treat But everyone else has the very same idea How long… How long will this line go on? How long? How long… It’s so hot! Will I get some ice cream, or not? Brownie Earthquakes and Banana Splits Blizzards mixed with fruit and candy bits But I just want a simple cup It’s soft serve ice cream Soft serve ice cream with sauce on top Sundae chocolate sundae Sundae chocolate sundae Sundae chocolate sundae (sundae chocolate sundae) (Come on, let’s go!) Will I ever taste my dream? My chocolate encrusted soft ice cream Why are they paying one by one? Why can’t they have one person make the transaction? Sundae chocolate sundae Sundae chocolate sundae How long… How long will this line go on? How long? How long… It’s so hot! Will I get my ice cream, or not? So hot, so hot (sundae chocolate sundae) So hot, so hot (sundae chocolate sundae) (I want one!) Wipe the drool from my mouth Wipe my drool away Wipe my drool away I wipe my drool away (sundae chocolate sundae) I wipe my drool-soaked chin (sundae chocolate sundae) Sundae chocolate sundae (sundae chocolate sundae) Sundae chocolate sundae (sundae chocolate sundae) (here I come!) Moving forth at greater speed What could permit this surging sugar-crazed stampede? They’ve opened up another line (sundae chocolate sundae) Dairy delirium will shortly be mine (sundae chocolate sundae) Cooling my esophagus (sundae chocolate sundae) I’ll need some napkins for the mess (sundae chocolate sundae) Sundae chocolate sundae Sundae chocolate sundae
6.
The legend starts in 1951 When we listened to the sound of the Distant Drums Met his maker in the jaws of an alligator There were six screams taken but one proved to be greater than the rest So let’s fast forward a bit to the Feather River And meet a young private with the lungs that could deliver The kind of cry that only girls vocalize He unleashed a mighty scream as his thigh was incised Ben Burtt, perhaps you may have heard of him He noticed a certain sound emanating from a bunch of films Decided it was perfect for a film that he made So he lifted it and placed it in The Scarlet Blade From that point a sonic signature formed One that Ben used fairly often in his sound design chores To this very day if you happen by his edit bay And you listen very closely you can hear him say That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream a little louder, gotta make a big scene That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream it to the heavens so they know what you mean Over the years the scream has made many appearances It sounded out in Warner Brothers films for 20 years and then The aforementioned Ben created sounds for Star Wars Take four began to show up in movies galore A stormtrooper stumbled into a shaft because Luke shot him Another was chucked into the freezing chamber by Chewbacca Crocodiles enjoyed the Thuggees Indy knocked from the bridge Jabba lost a bunch of henchmen in the Sarlac Pit Mr. Pink smacked some people in the street Buzz Lightyear met a lamp and tumbled head over feet The Caped Crusader punched a clown a tossed him clear out the frame Grenades exploded in The Last Crusade There’s numerous other scenes featuring violence and tension Young Indiana Jones has too many Wilhelms to mention I bet the sound designers meet near to here To figure out which films will get the scream this year That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream a little louder, gotta make a big scene That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream it like your lacking proper oral hygiene Now don’t believe that the scream can only used on the screen You can use it wherever you see a need Got a problem that should probably have the proper punctuation? Try a Wilhelm, it can emphasize any bad situation That big jerk from accounting just stole your promotion Your dinghy’s leaking in the middle of the ocean That eBay idiot gave you negative feedback And the money you gave that bum was converted to crack The lid can’t be extracted from your Jell-o pudding cup It’s hard to surf for porn efficiently stuck on dial-up All you need is a knife but there’s 10,000 spoons They’re making a Michael Bay film of your favorite cartoon The Spanish Inquisition tries to burn you at the stake Cavity Creeps gave you a toothache The enemy force is just outside your archer’s range That cell phone soccer mom didn’t signal her lane change Gotta pee but the urinal’s unflushed You find yourself in outer space lacking the right stuff Frequent visits to the store net you nary a chase figure You didn’t remember to TiVo the Heroes finale now, did you? Invaders from space leveled all the major cities There’s no more freakin’ milk for your bowl of Cocoa Krispies Whenever it seems you’ve been given raw deal It’s time to scream it like you mean it, let ‘em know how you feel That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream a little louder, gotta make a big scene That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream it like the doctors finally found a vaccine That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream a little louder, gotta make a big scene That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream That calls for a Wilhelm Scream Scream it like you found out she was only sixteen
7.
You pay, we play That’s all it takes to get a song created for your next big hit And it’s gonna cost a lot, a lot alotta of money (yeah) You pay, we play We can play any genre that you like But it’s gonna cost you big, big money up front Here’s the skill that could be working for you We can funk it up Get your groove on singing to the ladies in the front row We can funk it up Funny lyrics work better with a funky flow Got to funk it up Make the ladies in the front row forget about their fellas We just funked it up If the funk isn’t working out, we can add a little metal Yeah! Good old fashioned, down home devil’s metal Kick you in the teeth, disobey your parents metal Social outcast, make you pee your pants kind of metal We can break it down now if you want us to All you gotta do is ask The strings come in between bars four and two All you gotta do is ask If you want to throw a sweeping solo in We can drop it in right here If you need a sad song we can play those too Something that will make you cry Something that make you feel blue And make the ladies swoon Whoa-oo-whoa-oo-whoa-oo-whoa-oo-whoa Come on ladies, let me see you swoon Or do you prefer the metal? Yeah! Swoon, Swoon! Lay down a funky beat to freestyle over If you got the money, then we got the time We’ll drop a beat perfectly crafted to bust a rhyme An 808 kick to make the butts move And syncopated hand claps facilitating the groove Our sample-free jams are hot and guaranteed to please Discounts are applied when you buy more than three Or four, hell, why not get a baker’s dozen You can use the extra beats to bake some blueberry muffins You pay, we play That’s all it takes to get a song created for your next big hit And it’s gonna cost a lot, a lot alotta of money money *cash money ad libs* You pay, we play We know it seems expensive at first Unless you have a discount coupon, too late Our stupendous savings offer expired last year *more money ad libs*
8.
01:03
9.
10.
05:10
Rocket launcher, rail gun, BFG Nine Thousand One, Never saw it coming and I never had a chance. Bad enough being dead, Sub Zero pulled off my head, Master Chief is doing his victory dance. Lost Asia in Risk, Diablo burnt me to a crisp, Even though I had the Godly Plate of the Whale. Two pair, eights and kings, Sauron got the One Ring, Getting dysentery on the Oregon Trail. Harry Potter came up short dueling with Voldemort, Elspeth Holliday met the Blair Witch. Spider-Man showed such aplomb till he met that pumpkin bomb, Mr. Incredible didn't throw the switch. Cliff racers, cave bats, stupid frickin' giant rats, Deadly pirahna poodles, or soldier ants, You were eaten by a grue, Hah! The wumpus got you, Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo teabagged in Halo 2. Dead again, Splattered all over a rendered killing floor, Dead again, Let me respawn and I'll be back for more, Dead again, Let me get to the checkpoint, then you can do your worst, Dead again, Then I'll reload but this time I'll shoot first. My marble plummets from a height, should have rolled it to the right, Jumped through lots of traffic but then fell off a log. Russian cubes from the sky, and I let 'em stack too high, Punched right off the screen by a humanoid frog. T-rex got me, now I'm toast, chased down by a blinking ghost, Landed on some spikes and dropped every last ring. Bitten by a fanged slug, Jafar zapped my flying rug, Trampled in a bog by a Barbarian King. Mechanized war bots, Mudokan slingshots, Centipede dropping a flea on my head. Couldn't fly as Alfred Chicken, Duke Nukem kept on kickin', Fought Guy of Gisborne with only some bread. Skeletons hit me twice, dragon breath cased me in ice, Couldn't line up all the jewels three in a row, Shot up by Miami cops, beaten with karate chops, Kept on missing platform hops, and the timer never stops. Dead again, How come these worlds have so many bottomless pits? Dead again, And everyone that I meet wants me blown to bits. Dead again, Reincarnation one byte at a time, Dead again, It's so embarassing to be killed by green slime. Real life goes on until you're Dead, or so I'm told, Injury, catastrophe, or Simply growing old Fantasy's supposed to be where You can find your dreams, But all I find is game designers Hooked on players' screams. Smothered by a boa constrictor, drawn and quartered by a lich or Eaten by a cat while dodging Beethoven's Fifth. My flying ostrich drowned, monkeys thowing barrels down, Torn apart by creatures out of legend and myth. Zombies got a hold of Jill, nurses up in Silent Hill, All those German snipers on the beach at Omaha. Swallowed by the sand worms, infected by some nasty germs, Didn't slap the leather when I heard him say, "DRAW!" Running from Koala Kong, made a turn that's really wrong, Sephiroth's supernova fried us where we stood. Broiled in a lava flow, squashed by Super Mario, Didn't make my saving throw against lawful good. Thirty zillion space machines blowning up in cut scenes, I actually found a way to die in Myst. Ninja swords decapitate, plasma guns obliterate, Pocket nukes annihilate, reboot, transubstantiate. Dead again, Inching ahead until once more I choke, Dead again, The funeral bills would leave my whole state broke, Dead again, Something is trying to chew off both my legs, Dead again, Who in the hell dreams up these easter eggs? Dead again, All of the guys at work think I'm a freak, Dead again, They watch golf and NASCAR every week, Dead again, They'll never understand what I call fun, Dead again, 'Cause any of my lives is cooler than their one.
11.
If I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher) Well, I'd pwn me some n00bs (I would pwn me some n00bs) And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher) I'd pwn n00bs universally in games (Not just in Halo or in Call of Duty) And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher) Well, I'd beat all of my games (And probably some of your games as well) And if I had a rocket launcher I'd win at Pong If I had a Rocket Launcher (I wouldn't have to cheat anymore) If I had a Rocket Launcher (Rocket fire would really even the score) If I had a Rocket Launcher (Maybe I could use a rocket to finally win at Tetris someday) You know, why do you have to always wait for that one long bar to eliminate four lines and get a tetris? Why can't you just eliminate everything on the screen with a well placed missile? Yeah, and since it's a Russian game, you can say something clever like..."Dosvidanya, komrade." If I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher) Well, I'd clear traffic in Frogger (But not clear real traffic, that's cruel) And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher) Well, I'd exterminate in Centipede (Yep, sauté mushrooms or that spider) And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher) Well, I'd win in John Madden's games (Ooh, put some heat on my shotgun pass) And if I had a rocket launcher I'd fry Q*bert! If I had a rocket launcher (defeating Pokémon isn't hard) If I had a rocket launcher (Got me a heat seeking Charizard) If I had a rocket launcher (I wouldn't have to use that blue shell) But we'd still use the blue shell. Of course we would. But we'd use the blue shell to deflect the missiles. Uh huh. Or use the missiles to deflect the blue shell. I just hate how when you're in first place and you launch it you knock yourself out if first place. If I had a rocket launcher (Instead of a fire flower) Well, I'd fry me a goomba (but not a real goomba, that's cruel) And if I had a rocket launcher (or the Triforce of Power) Well, I'd rescue the princess (Peach, Zelda or Pauline) And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher) Well, I'd take out an ape named Donkey (Haven't you always hated that monkey?) And if I had a rocket launcher I'd beat Bowser! If I had a Rocket Launcher (If I had a Rocket Launcher) If I had a Rocket Launcher (If I had a Rocket Launcher) If I had a Rocket Launcher (If I had a Rocket Launcher) You'd be dead
12.
13.
04:47
It’s Wednesday evening The votes are in, the journey ends for one Seacrest is scheming He seems to draw the process out for fun By ones or twos The singers will discover if they made it Let’s start with you We’ll find out if you’re bottom three or safe After this break There’s too much filler Filler now How many times can Seacrest Pick a fight with Simon Cowell You know it’s filler Filler now Great, Paula’s babbling on Will someone kill her Filler tonight It’s 60 minutes But only three of those are worth the time The rest is filled up With content guaranteed to numb your mind Recap last night The day before is so hard to remember Pre-packaged sights What inane crap has occupied their week? We fell asleep There’s too much filler Filler now Make sure you plug the film Cause Fox is hoping for a crowd, yeah Filler Filler now Great, Paula’s babbling now Will someone kill her Filler tonight Everyone sing The big medley’s a trainwreck from start to end And don’t forget there’s a group video still in store (Sponsored by Ford) We’re irreversibly bored We’re near the end now It’s time to make the loser hit the bricks Read the results now I’m getting rather sick and tired of this A sad farewell I swear I shouldn’t watch this as it happens Note to myself To TiVo this and skip right through the fluff I’ve seen enough There’s too much filler Filler now Now Paula seems confused Simon and Randy look astounded Filler Filler now She’s really said enough Please someone Kill her, will ya, pill her Filler here tonight Cause this is filler Filler now Please someone cut her mic So we don’t have to hear her make sound Filler Filler now No really, shut her up Please someone KIll her, filler There’s too much filler tonight Thousands tried to make the show But there could be just twenty-four Of that lot just twelve would stay To sing upon our brand-new stage And then some wise exec opined Let’s show results for twice the time No doubt the viewers would be pleased To watch us for two hours a week And should two hours not suffice We’ll program Idol every night You’ll watch them sleep and eat their food With cameras strapped to forks and spoons Although the ratings have dropped off We’re still a ratings winner So while it’s meant to show more ads We know you’ll watch the filler
14.
15.

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released July 3, 2010

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Possible Oscar Minneapolis, Minnesota

Possible Oscar is a Minneapolis, MN based comedy rock act that specializes in original and parody songs. Their musical topics range from video games to nerd love, with stops at comic books and notable Hollywood movie sound effects. Possible Oscar’s sound is two great tastes that taste great together; they usually play rock music, but sometimes a little hip hop is in order. ... more

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